Another Fairy Tale
by Amycat8733
Summary: John runs afoul of another fairy tale made real. Takes place before the epilogue of my story, Lightning Strikes. Whumping, Sheyla.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Another Fairy Tale

**Author**: Amycat8733

**Rating**: T

**Pairing(s)**: John/Teyla

**Characters**: John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Rodney McKay, Carson Beckett, Evan Lorne

**Genres**: gen, romance, humor

**Warnings**: sentient Atlantis

**Length**:

**Disclaimer**: The characters and locales of SGA don't belong to me. For fun, not profit. I just swim in the pool. No borrowed OCs were harmed during these productions.

**Summary**: John runs afoul of another fairy tale made real. Takes place before the epilogue of _**Lightning**_ _**Strikes**_. Whumping, Sheyla. Cover by Mysra.

Chapter 1

"Colonel Sheppard, please come to lab 3."

John groaned at the voice in his ear. He was in the middle of preparing dinner for two. Torren was with Halling and he and Teyla planned to make the most of the time alone. "Sheppard here, what's the emergency?"

"Sheppard, you need to come down here! Stackhouse brought back something interesting!"

John groaned again. Whenever Rodney got that excited, he usually ended up bleeding, shocked or recovering from a concussion. "Can't it wait? I'm off-duty for the weekend, and that includes light switch duty."

Rodney huffed. "It will only take a minute, so quit whining and get down here."

John turned, glaring in Rodney's direction even though the Canadian couldn't see it and huffed. "Fine. I'll be there shortly." He leaned over and blew the candles he'd just lit out, placed the food in the warmer then strapped on his sidearm before leaving the suite.

It took ten minutes to get to Rodney's lab. He counted because the astrophysicist was going to owe him for every one of them. Stepping through the doorway, he stopped, crossed his arms and glared at Rodney while blocking the cacophony emanating from the devices. "So what's so important?"

Rodney waved him over without turning around. "This thing is amazing. It's interactive."

John didn't budge. "Interactive? For what reason?"

"That's why you're here." Rodney tapped on his laptop for a few minutes before realizing that John hadn't moved. He looked up and turned to find his friend still in the doorway. Rodney smirked as he took in the sight of John Sheppard in something other than black BDU. He had on a pair of nice dark blue jeans and a green silk shirt. "Treaty negotiations with an alien princess?"

John shot the scientist a look. "Teyla likes it when I dress up and cook her dinner." He narrowed his eyes. "You do remember Teyla – petite, kicks ass, my soon to be wife?"

Rodney waved a hand through the air. "Relax. It's only a joke." He turned and offered a smile. "Teyla will be very happy to see you."

"Well, her meeting is due to be over in about forty-five minutes."

Rodney left his workbench to fetch John, grasping his arm and tugging him into the lab. "I need you to check this device and tell me what it does."

John jerked his arm free. "I can walk. I was trying to stay back because you have so much Ancient tech in here that I don't want to set something off."

Rodney gestured at the devices surrounding them. "Don't worry about it. Most of this stuff is broken."

"That's when it's most dangerous." John frowned and shot Rodney a dubious glance. "Alright, but if I end up in the infirmary, you get to explain it to Teyla."

Rodney paled at the thought of having to explain to the Athosian how her future husband ended up getting hurt. "Well then you'll just have to be careful. I don't want to explain if even one hair on your head gets singed."

John frowned as he edged his way into the room. "Leave my hair alone. Teyla likes it just fine."

Rodney laughed. "Just make sure you never get buried in a pile of Tribbles. If you do we'll probably never find you because your hair will blend in."

"McKay."

John's growl told Rodney he'd teased enough.

"Did you check the database for it?"

Rodney snapped his fingers. "Oh, why didn't I think of that?" He shot John a look. "Of course I did. I'm not Kavanagh!"

"I'm just asking." Carefully working his way through the room, John stopped near the workbench. Scanning the area, John wondered which device he was supposed to check. One looked like an old lava lamp, the other bore a passing resemblance to a beauty salon hair dryer. "Which device is it?"

Rodney pointed and just as John shifted towards the indicated device, he was hit by a gold colored beam from the bell-shaped end. The beam started at his feet, quickly shifting up his body until it reached his head. There its focus narrowed, concentrating on his hair until every strand glowed with a golden fire before winking out. As the light vanished, John dropped to his knees, catching the edge of the table with one hand.

Rodney rushed over as John slumped lower, head bowed, over his knees. "Sheppard! Are you alright? Oh, god, what am I saying? Of course you're not alright. That device probably just fried half your brain or … or … made your hair smarter than you are, or …"

"McKay." John's voice was soft and firm.

"Yes, Sheppard?"

"Shut up and help me up." John reached out with a shaking hand.

Even as he helped John from the floor, Rodney was checking him over. John was pale and squinting in the room's moderate light. "You need to go to the infirmary."

John started to nod, but decided against it. His head hurt too much and it would only take one ill-advised movement to kick it into high gear. "Yeah, I do."

Tugging one of John's arms over his shoulder, Rodney looked at one of his minions. "Simmons, check the database and find out what that is supposed to do. Grab Davies and Jensen to help you."

Carson took one look at the pair as Rodney helped John into his domain. "Ach, lad, what's happened now? Yer supposed to have the evening off!"

Helping John onto a bed, Rodney snapped back an answer. "He was helping me with an item that Stackhouse's team brought back. We were in lab 3 when …"

Carson cut him off. "Lab 3? Isn't that the one ya use as a vault for the tech you haven't identified yet?"

John let out a groan as Carson checked his pupils. "Dammit, I knew there was a reason I don't go in that lab."

"As I was saying, one of the devices we'd thought was damaged lit up, scanned Sheppard from toe to head. Once it got to his hair, its focus narrowed until every hair on his head glowed. It stayed that way for almost a minute then winked out."

After checking the rest of his vitals, Carson examined him with the big Ancient scanner. "Well, I can nae find anythin' wrong with ya, lad." He peered down at his friend. "One a scale of one to ten, how bad's the headache?"

John closed his eyes for a moment. "Six. Lights are bothering me, and loud noises, but I'm not nauseous and the room's not spinning. "

Carson went to his medicine cabinet, coming back with a syringe and a paper packet. He held up the syringe. "This is for now. It will take the edge off without making you sleepy." After injecting the medication into John's arm, he gave him the packet. "These are for later. Take them before you go to bed an' the headache will be gone by morning."

Scooting off the bed, John pocketed the pills. "Thanks, Doc. Teyla and I certainly appreciate it."

Carson smiled and made a shooing motion. "Off with ya, now. Fortunately, yer dinner's not ruined."

John gave Carson a cheeky grin. "Nope, dinner's gonna be just fine." With a jaunty wave, he disappeared out the door.

After John had gone, Rodney let out a sigh. "I forgot about his plans. He even reminded me, but I was so caught up."

Carson patted the astrophysicist's shoulder. "It's alright, Rodney. He forgives you, an' there's no harm done." He headed to his office, Rodney tagging along. "I am glad that the lad's started taking time off. He operates under so much stress, but having Lorne and Teldy here has helped."

"It doesn't hurt that the Wraith threat has diminished and that the city is fully powered." Rodney added.

"Aye, there is that." Carson pulled out his bottle of Glenfiddich and poured them both a shot. "Here's to stress relief."

Back in their quarters, John stepped into the bathroom to check his hair. It was one of his few vanities, not that he'd ever outright admit it. Examining his unruly locks in the bathroom's bright lights, he couldn't tell that the device had done anything. The color appeared a little lighter, but that could be a trick of the lights or due to amount of time he'd spent off-world lately. The front of his hair needed a trim, and after running his fingers through it, he decided the back did too. He'd go see the barber tomorrow.

He almost had dinner done when Teyla came in. "Hi, sweetie. Dinner's almost ready."

Teyla looked up at John as he entered the room, bending to kiss her. He was smiling, a merry twinkle dancing in his eyes. He was wearing the green silk shirt she loved on him with a pair of nice jeans. She shamelessly admired the view of her husband moving around in the kitchen, every glimpse of his snugly clad butt making her pulse jump a little. She felt very lucky to have a man such as John. From conversations that she had heard, men that would cook and clean were very rare on Earth. That did not even count how much rarer it was for a man to accept the child of another as his own.

A shadow broke her from her thoughts. "Dinner's ready." John put out his hands to help her from the chair. Once she was settled at the table, he put the food on. She watched as he moved through the room with a warrior's grace. A frown crossed her face as she observed him. There was something different about him. He wasn't limping, there were no hidden bandages although he did wince occasionally at a bright light or sudden movement, but that wasn't the difference. It was his hair. It was longer than she remembered it being last night. Shaking herself lightly, she shook it off. His hair was dark enough that the ends often blended into his clothing or into a shadow. Turning her attention to her husband and the meal, she put it from her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Welcome! Thanks to all of you for your reviews, follows and favorites. I'm thinking of making the Fairy Tales a series within a series. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2

Teyla stretched, enjoying the feel of silk on her skin. Opening her eyes slightly, she marveled at the drape of golden silk under her hands. Until the silk moved. Her eyes popped open and she sat up abruptly, tracing the golden silk to its source – John. Reaching out, she gently shook his shoulder. "John, you need to wake."

John shifted and mumbled something indistinct.

She shook him harder. "John, you must wake up. It is important."

"Mmmm, Teyla. Wha's up?"

"John, your hair …"

That woke him fully. His eyes popped open and he sat up, or at least attempted to, except that he was partially lying on his hair. "Ow! What the hell?"

"Be still and I shall free it." Teyla gently eased the long, heavy strands from beneath his body.

With the hair corralled, John massaged his neck and attempted to sit up again. "Ow. God, that hurts."

Teyla looked at him in concern. "What is bothering you?"

John grimaced as he shifted his head back and forth slightly. "My neck and shoulders. I think I pulled a muscle or two in my sleep."

Teyla nodded. "That is very possible. I shall braid your hair and help you dress then we shall go see Carson."

John let out a deep breath. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Can I lie down while you do your thing?"

Teyla smiled. "Certainly, especially if it will make you feel better."

He sighed as he stretched out, forehead pillowed on his arms. "I'm gonna kill Rodney."

Teyla slid from the bed to retrieve her brush and a hair band. "What happened that you would wish to kill Rodney?"

"While I was fixing dinner yesterday, he called me to lab 3 to see something that Stackhouse brought back." He let out a deep breath. "One of the supposedly broken devices he has in that lab activated then scanned me toe to head before settling on my hair. It stayed on long enough to make my hair glow and to give me a headache before shutting off. Carson couldn't find anything wrong so he gave me a shot and two pills for the headache and set me loose."

Sectioning his hair, Teyla inquired. "Why did you not tell me this last night?"

John shifted minutely. "I didn't want to spoil our evening with you worrying about me."

Freeing a hand, she stroked his bare back. "It would not have spoiled our evening, and as I am your wife, it is my duty to worry about you." Beginning the braid, she smiled even though he could not see it. "I like this color on you. Would you consider keeping it?"

"No." John literally growled. "My hair was accidentally dyed this color when I was younger and I hated it. I got very tired of being called sunshine, golden boy and a host of other nicknames that I detest. It got so bad that I would barely leave the house. I was so glad when it grew out."

"How was it accidentally dyed?"

John let out a sigh. "On Earth we have a product called Sun-in that is supposed to lighten the tips of the user's hair. My mother accidentally purchased an old bottle of it one year when we were on vacation. She applied it according to the directions, but the instructions were wrong so instead of just lightening the tips of my hair, it lightened all of my hair."

Teyla suppressed a giggle. She knew how vain John was about his hair, so she could imagine how indignant he would have been at the unwanted change. Finishing the braid, she moved back so he could rise. Watching him move, she realized that she would need to help him dress, so she slid from the bed and helped him pull on a pair of jeans, a red plaid button up shirt and sneakers.

Leaving their suite, Teyla watched John as he walked slightly ahead of her. Looking at his hair, it seemed that it had grown since she had finished the braid. It was originally in the middle of his back and was now much closer to his waist.

Exiting the transporter near the infirmary, Teyla noticed the double-takes that John received. There were many admiring glances thrown his way until they realized who he was.

Entering the infirmary was a continuation of the scene in the corridor. No one recognized John until they saw his face. Many of the staff had to turn away in order to hide their laughter, while others shot him a look of sympathy for running afoul of another crappy Ancient device. John, his face pale with a mixture of pain, anger and embarrassment, headed for the nearest exam bed. Teyla pulled the curtain close while John carefully eased onto the bed. Once he was seated on the edge, he scooted back, but was brought up short by a wave of pain as his head was pulled sharply back.

"Ow! Dammit! I'm gonna really, freaking kill McKay!" He leaned forward just enough to free the long tail of hair, flipping it over his shoulder as he slid backwards. Teyla put her hands up to brace his neck as he leaned back on the bed and adjusted the pillows to provide extra support.

"Relax. I shall go find Carson."

John rolled his eyes to look at her. His head hurt too much to turn it. "Thanks."

Teyla graced him with a smile before slipping through the curtains. It took her a few minutes to find Carson and she ended up waiting some time until he was free.

Just finishing with a patient, Carson tossed his gloves into the biohazard bin and turned to the Athosian. "Ach, Teyla lass, what can I do for ya?"

"It is John."

Shaking his head, he headed for the exam beds. "What's the lad done now?" Off in the distance, he could hear soft giggles, probably a couple o' his nurses goin' ga-ga over some magazine. The giggles were suddenly cut off by a distinctive male voice cursing quite vehemently. Picking up his pace, Carson headed for the source, Teyla at his side. "Ach, that doesnae sound good."

The doctor and the warrior rounded the corner to behold an unusual sight. Several of the nurses were gathered around the bed where Teyla had left John, peering through the gaps between the panels. Through one of the openings, Teyla spied John, hunched up on the bed with a pillow covering his head. Unfortunately, it did not cover the rest of the long tail of hair that was now trailing along the bed.

Stopping behind the oblivious nurses, Carson clapped his hands sharply. All of them jumped guiltily before turning around. "Ladies, I am very disappointed in all of you. This is not proper behavior for well-trained professionals such as yourselves. Now, you all owe Colonel Sheppard a rather large apology for intruding on his privacy and then you will all report to Marie and inform her as to what you did." He crossed his arms, a deep scowl creasing his face as the nurses apologized to John before heading off.

As the last nurse disappeared, Carson entered the curtained-off area, making sure the drapes were closed. "Well Colonel, I'd say we now know what that device does, unless you found some super strength hair growth vitamins."

John glared at him from beneath the pillow he had secured over his head. "Not funny, Carson."

"Aye, I'm sorry, lad. This is just a wee bit different from the usual events that land ye here." Carson smiled. "Now, if you'll lower yon pillow, I can get ye checked over."

John released his tight grip on the pillow and lowered it to the bed, grimacing as he did so.

After a thorough but gentle exam, Carson sat down on a stool near the bed. "Well, you have badly sprained the muscles in your neck. Unfortunately, that means yer gonna need to wear a cervical collar while the strains heal." He looked at John. He was miserable under the heavy fall of golden hair. "We also need to get rid of this hair. There's so much of it that the weight alone will make your neck worse. I'm going to get the collar, a painkiller, a muscle relaxant and a pair o' sharp scissors." Patting John on the knee, Carson left to get his supplies.

Carson was gone only a short time before he returned bearing the promised items. Setting down the brace and the shears, he injected the two drugs into John's arm. He watched as the Colonel relaxed, his eyes closing to bare slits as the painkiller took effect. With the painkiller fresh in his system, Carson had Teyla lean John forward just enough for him to slip the collar on. With the collar fastened, Carson traded places with Teyla, handing her the scissors as he held John upright. "Lass, go ahead and cut his hair. Catch it at the nape of his neck."

Taking firm hold of the hair, Teyla ran the open blades up until she reached the nape of John's neck where the first of his cowlicks were. She was able to cut his hair, but it was thick and took some time.

With the hair gone, John let out a deep sigh of relief.

"Beckett to McKay."

"_McKay here."_ Rodney was snappish. _"What's wrong, Carson, sheep ate your favorite lab coat?"_

"No, Rodney, but I have a nice, big needle that I'm gonna introduce you to next time you need a shot."

A gulp sounded through the open line. _"Um, sorry Carson. What's up?"_

"I need ta know if you've figured out anythin' else about that device that irradiated the Colonel last night."

"_No. I have some of my minions looking into it, but so far there's been no progress."_

"Well, you need to make some before the Colonel's hair kills him."

Silence reigned for a moment. _"That's a good one, Carson. I always knew his hair was a separate life form."_

"I'm not kidding, Rodney. That infernal device has caused the Colonel's hair to grow at an unnatural rate." Carson glanced over at John. It had been less than five minutes, but his hair had already started to regrow, having reached his shoulders again. "We just cut it less than five minutes ago an' it's already back to his shoulders. If it's not stopped soon, it could snap his neck from the weight alone."

"_Oh, no … no, no, no. We can't have that. I don't have time to break in another team leader. I'll let you know when I find something. McKay out."_

Carson turned back to John and Teyla. John was asleep from the painkiller, Teyla sitting by his side, her hands clasped around his left. "We're gonna have to keep his hair cut until Rodney figures this out. With the brace on an' as long as he stays in bed, the lad should be able ta handle hair long enough to reach his hips."

Teyla shook her head. "He may be able to handle the weight, but I feel that we should let it get no further than his waist."

"Hmmm." Carson mused. "I think ye may have the right of it. Before we cut it, let's tie it off. It will be easier to cut that way."

"I agree."

While John slept, Teyla stayed by his side with Carson stopping in to check on them every ten minutes. On his third visit, Carson hooked John up to an IV so he would stay hydrated. At the five hour mark, they cut his hair back. After they had his hair short once again, John having blissfully slept through it, Teyla decided to take a nap. She was awakened four and a half hours later by Carson so they could shorten John's hair once again. This time, John was awake and was able to sit up enough for the hair removal.

Peering at the spill of golden hair, John smiled crookedly. "Hey, Carson, you should box the hair up and send it to Earth. I'll bet Locks of Love would kill to get their hands on it."

Carson was surprised. Not many knew of the organization. "Aye, I'll bet there are a lot of kids on Earth that would love to have hair like this."

Teyla's expression showed her confusion. "What group is this?"

Carson answered as he checked John's vitals. "Locks of Love takes long lengths of hair and fashions wigs out of it for children that have lost their hair due to treatments for cancer."

John sighed as Carson topped up his painkiller. "It makes the kids feel better because then they don't get picked on or treated as special or fragile."

"Ah, I see now." Teyla nodded in understanding. "The act of kindness raises their self-esteem and provides a sense of normalcy. It is a worthy action." She gazed softly at John. "Go back to sleep. Your body needs rest to heal."

"I'll heal fine whether I'm in this bed or not." John grumbled.

Carson tutted. "None of that now. If you're up and moving, you'll keep forgetting and try to turn your head. If you're here then you'll stay in one place and rest, so here you stay."

John crossed his arms, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "Fine, but I don't like it."

Carson patted him on the leg as he stood. "I know, laddie. Hopefully, Rodney will have this solved soon."

Once Carson left, John settled and was soon asleep. Torren was with Amelia and Ronon so Teyla had no worries there. Since it had been a long day, she decided to crawl into bed with John and was soon out.

Four hours later, Carson was shaking her awake to cut John's hair again. While they were cutting, something unusual occurred to her. "Carson, is it my imagination or does it seem that the amount of time between cuttings is getting shorter?"

Carson checked John's chart. "No, you're not imagining it, love. The times are gettin' shorter and this is somethin' that Rodney needs ta know." He tapped his com. "Beckett to McKay."

"_What now, Carson?"_ Rodney snapped. _"I'm busy trying to solve Sheppard's problem."_

"It's about the Colonel that I called ye."

Carson could hear Rodney go pale on the other end. _"He's not …"_

"No, he's still alive. The rate of growth was accelerating each time we cut it so we stopped."

Carson heard the sound of fingers snapping through the connection. _"That gives me more to go on. This would be easier if Sheppard was here then he could just tell me what's wrong with the device."_

"Well, I'm not releasing him so he can traipse down there to play doctor for you."

Silence ensued at Carson's statement for a moment then he heard a quiet intake of air. _"If Mohammed can't come to the mountain, then the mountain shall come to Mohammed."_ Was all Rodney said then the line went dead.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry this has taken so long *bows in apology*. RL decided to dump on me big time. Thanks to all of you that have favorite / followed and especially reviewed this one. Thanks to Mysra for the beta on this tale! Hope y'all enjoy!

PS: If you want to see John as a blond, check out the awesome cover art Mysra did for me. Her art inspired one of the scenes in this story.

* * *

Chapter 3

While they waited on Rodney to figure out the device, Teyla and Carson decided that John needed some air. Even though he was sleeping most of the time, he was restless during those periods when he was awake. Because of the short time span between cuttings, they decided to let John's hair grow. It was now very long, but the growth factor had slowed once they stopped cutting it. Bundling John and his hair into a wheelchair was a hassle, but the look on his face when Teyla pushed him onto the balcony made it all worthwhile.

As soon as they hit the outside, John's eyes slid closed and a look of profound peace spread across his features. This balcony was far enough from the infirmary that he didn't feel cornered or confined. Teyla sat down beside him and the two shared the silence, reveling in their closeness.

John was warm and getting drowsy when a rumble shook the tower. The shockwave that followed was so violent that John was thrown from his wheelchair. He shouted in pain as his left leg impacted the railing. He felt something give, but couldn't tell what. The door behind them closed and John felt the automatic locks engage. _*"Lantis, what's going on?"*_

_*"An explosion has occurred two levels below you. The automatic protocols have engaged for your protection."*_

John shifted and suppressed a scream as fiery pain shot up his leg. _*"Well, how 'bout releasing them so I can get some help?"*_

A feeling of sorrow reached John. _*"I am sorry, but it is a protocol that I cannot override."*_

Okay, since Atlantis couldn't do it, he'd try himself. Stilling his pain-filled twitching, John reached out to the city. He connected to the network easily enough, and located the appropriate protocol, but when he tried to override it, he received an error. It felt like getting his hand smacked.

Opening his eyes, John concluded that assistance would have to come from elsewhere. A spike of pain that drew a shout from his lips told him where Teyla was. "Teyla? Are you alright?"

"I am fine, John, but you need to be still. I do not think that your leg is broken, but there is some damage to your knee."

"Teyla, you'll have to get help. Is your radio working?"

He watched as she reached up to try it. After a few taps, her hand lowered. "It is dead, possibly knocked out by the explosion."

Looking at the pile of golden hair lying nearby, John had an idea. _*"Lantis, is the level below us clear?"*_

_*"Yes, assistance can be accessed through that floor. I would send help to you but some of my relays were damaged."*_

"Teyla, you'll have to climb down to the next level and get help."

Teyla shook her head. "I do not wish to leave you."

John gave her a bright smile. "I'll be fine. The balcony's not about to collapse and nothing harmful can get me. You'll need to get a hazmat team to come get me, or a couple of medics and Lorne in a Jumper."

Teyla considered his words, a small frown marring her features. "I do not like them, but these are both sound plans. The only problem is how shall I get down? We do not have any rope."

John grinned and lifted a section of hair. "Oh, yes we do."

"Your hair? But surely that will be painful?"

John shook his head, grin still in place. "Nope, we just need to braid it then belay it through the rungs of the railing."

Teyla stared at him, and John figured that she was trying to decide if he was serious or truly insane. "I'm not crazy and this will work."

Teyla stared for a few more moments then she moved, gathering the long locks of hair. She brushed them out best she could then braided John's hair. It took several minutes but Teyla finished as quickly as she could. Once done, she leaned cautiously over the rail to pick her descent. Path chosen, she helped John run his hair through the rungs, making sure he was well braced in order to support her weight. She kissed him then climbed over the rail, three feet of his hair in her hands.

Taking a firm grasp on his hair, John started feeding it out, slowly lowering Teyla down. "_RapunJohn, RapunJohn, let down your hair_," he whispered in a sing-song voice as he shifted his hands. Even with it belayed through the railing, John could feel the tug on his scalp from Teyla's weight and movements. He was so happy when she found the balcony below them and even more relieved when she released his hair that he just flopped backward, fingers laced behind his head so he didn't add cracked skull to his list of problems. After a moment, John's arms slipped to either side, leaving his head resting on the cool floor. His head hurt, his scalp was sore and his knee was sending shooting pains up his leg. John closed his eyes against the myriad pains and allowed the chill of the floor and the warm breeze to whisk him away into slumber.

* * *

Evan Lorne considered himself a pretty open-minded person, but some of the things that happened in this city stretched the boundaries of believable. This latest thing with the Colonel, for instance, was stretching his boundaries quite thin. The whole Sleeping Beauty thing had been somewhat believable, but this was moving into a totally different realm. A device that would cause a person's hair to grow to incredible lengths was really pushing the limits of belief. Making it change colors or fall out was more believable. He'd figured that someone was having fun at his expense until Teyla politely grabbed him and requested his help in retrieving Sheppard from a balcony. When he asked how they would find the right balcony because the sensors were unreliable due to an exotic electromagnetic wave that had been released, she told him to look for a long tail of golden hair. When he spotted the fall of hair trailing from one of the balconies, his jaw dropped at seeing the truth.

Now, sitting in the pilot's seat of Jumper Two, he watched as the medics gently loaded the Colonel into the Jumper along with over twelve feet of hair. Seeing the coiled mass reminded him of his comment right after the Colonel's impersonation of Sleeping Beauty.

With the infirmary included under the lockdown, injured personnel were being sent to one of the auxiliary care centers they'd established in parts of the city. Since the Colonel was not badly injured, the medics and Dr. Lee decided that John would do just as well in his own quarters, so after an onceover by the handheld medical scanner, Dr. Lee immobilized his badly sprained knee. Lorne deftly backed the jumper up to the balcony of their quarters and the medics helped unload John. They carried him into the bedroom and gently shifted him onto the bed then left, Teyla having assured them that she could handle the rest.

It was several hours before things calmed down. Once the situation was under control, Carson came by to check on John, bringing one of the portable scanners with him. He confirmed Dr. Lee's diagnosis and gave him a shot so he'd sleep, that being the best medicine, and left a packet of pain killers and anti-inflammatories for him. He was just about to leave when Rodney, Radek and Lorne came in pushing a trolley with the guilty device.

"Well, I, um … we" at a nudge from Radek, "got this thing fixed and figured out. It is supposed to make hair grow long – any type of hair. According to a log Radek found on its use, it was last used on the hair of a woman named Rapunzella Ormin. Apparently, she wrote the definition of a narcissist. She would grow her hair out extremely long then, once it was cut, have it fashioned into clothing. Everything that touched her skin was made from her own hair."

Carson, Teyla and Lorne were stunned. Carson broke the silence first. "Well, that's fine and good, but that doesnae take care o' the Colonel's problem."

Radek pushed his glasses up. "After searching, we found settings and controls for device. All we must do is change this," and he tweaked a knob, "and push this slider to the desired position and turn it on."

"Well, docs," Lorne stated calmly, "I'll take care of turning it on, but I take no responsibility for anything that happens."

Carson nodded. "Aye, laddie, I've got yer back."

"Yes, yes, this is all very touching." Rodney was fluttering around the device, hands checking each setting. He tweaked the slider a bit more to the right then stepped back. "Major, if you would?"

Radek had seen it, though. "Wait, that is not …"

Whatever else he was about to say was lost in the bright blue light that shot from the device. It played over his head, concentrating until every strand shone with a blue fire before winking out. Once their eyes re-adjusted they looked at John's hair. Where the strands of hair had been golden blond to the very root, John's dark brown was evident now from his scalp to about four inches out.

Teyla reached out to brush John's hair while watching Carson and Lorne cut it but something felt … different. Teyla turned her gaze downward and let out a rare cry of horror. Where she had brushed back his hair, there was now only bare scalp.

The men stopped at her cry and stared. Radek realized what happened and checked the device.

"Rodney, this is wrong setting!" Radek ran his hands through his hair. "When you tweaked it, you changed setting. Now Colonel will be bald!"

"What?!" Rodney looked panicked as he double-checked the settings then his shoulders slumped. "He's right. I'm dead. He's definitely gonna kill me!"

Carson placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Nah, Rodney, the lad won't kill ye. Teyla and I wouldn't let him, but he is gonna be a wee bit upset."

Rodney stared at him. "Oh god, you pulled out the 'wee bit'. He **is** gonna kill me!"

"Rodney! Quit yer panickin' and fix it!"

Heaving a deep breath, Rodney and Radek pulled up the information on their tablets. Teyla, Lorne and Carson moved the long hair out of the way. After several minutes and a lot of half-sentences, Radek went to the device, adjusted the controls and nodded at Lorne. Lorne placed his hand on the device, and activated it. This time, a bright green light shot out which enveloped John's head for thirty seconds before winking out.

Teyla reached over and ran her hand along John's scalp. She could feel the barest hint of stubble. She looked up, a pleased look on her face. "I believe the device has worked. I can feel tiny hairs."

Radek pushed his glasses up. "That is effect we tried for. Hair will regrow at normal pace."

Lorne let out a sigh. "Well, I think that's enough fun for one day. I'm beat and I'm headed for bed."

Rodney looked at his watch. "But Major, it's only 2000 hours."

Lorne nodded. "I know. I also know that someone" and he motioned towards his CO, "is going to be up at the ass crack of dawn and in a very bad mood so I plan to get plenty of sleep tonight. The knee will slow him down, but that means I'll be doing a lot of running for the next few days." He cast a sideways glance towards Carson. "Unless a certain doctor would like to keep him sedated for a few days?"

Carson shook his head. "Nope. It wouldna be healthy for the Colonel or for the rest of ye." He picked up his bag and headed for the door. Standing in the doorway, he turned and called over his shoulder. "A black hoodie might help though."

* * *

John woke feeling like he'd been run over by a Jumper. It was hard to find part of his body that wasn't sore. He lay still, taking stock as the last vestiges of fog cleared his mind. His left knee hurt, but not too badly. His shoulders were stiff like he'd been climbing. And his head … the less said on that subject the better. Reaching up, he pinched the bridge of his nose which helped to alleviate it some then ran his hand through his hair, shooting upright at what he didn't find. "Teyla!"

Mere seconds passed before Teyla stepped into their bedroom. "John, are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" He stared at her, his eyes wide with emotion. "Am I alright? No, I'm not alright! My knee hurts, I have a nasty headache … and I'm bald!"

Teyla sat on the end of the bed and let John's anger wash over her. He was so upset that his hands were shaking. "John, calm down." She waited while he settled, although she could tell his calm was only surface deep. "Your knee is only badly sprained. Your headache is from the device as is your … hair problem."

"Hair problem – that's one way of putting it." He snorted then took a deep breath, willing his blood pressure down before it made his head throb worse.

Teyla shifted down the bed to sit beside him. "The first time the device was used - Rodney accidentally moved one of the settings, which caused all of your hair to fall out."

John's eyes darkened. "I knew it! He is so dead."

Teyla lifted one hand and gently cupped John's cheek. "It was an accident. Rodney knows how you feel about your hair. The second time the device was used to restart the normal growth process. Reach up – your hair is returning."

He did just that, his hand trembling with emotion. Using just the lightest of touches, he could feel the stubble.

Teyla stood, offering John a hand. "Come, you need to bathe and eat. You also have a staff meeting today."

John groaned. "I need to reschedule it. I'm not going looking like this."

Teyla placed her hands on his shoulders, her voice firm. "No, you will go as planned. You have never been one to hide in fear and shall not start now." Leaning down, she planted a light kiss on his lips. "Everything will be fine." With that, she pulled him up and prodded him into the shower.

Stepping out of the shower, John had to admit that he felt better. The hot water had done wonders for his sore neck and shoulders. He'd just slipped into his boxers when Carson walked in. "Hey, doc."

Carson beamed at him. "Aye, good mornin' laddie. How're ye feelin'?"

John grimaced. "Sore and my head hurts; knee's not too bad though."

With gentle fingers, Carson poked and prodded. "Well, without the weight of all that hair, I think ye can leave off the collar." He held up a finger. "But, no running or sparring for a week. You tear one of those muscles and you'll be out of action for a while."

John nodded carefully. "Gotcha, doc, and thanks for the house call."

Carson waved it away. "Ach, 'tis no trouble, lad. Have you eaten yet?"

John headed for the closet to get a uniform, eschewing his traditional black t-shirt. "Nope, we're headed down soon as I finish getting dressed. You're welcome to join us and maybe you and Teyla can keep me from killing anyone."

Between Teyla and Carson they jollied John into at least a semblance of good humor. His good mood lasted until they hit the mess hall and the multitude of eyes. John felt every stare as he moved through the line. Carson and Teyla bracketed him as they headed for their usual table. Glaring at their fellow diners between bites, John managed to eat, but his skin twitched the entire time.

Lorne joined them and before he could open his mouth, John held up a finger. "Not one word, Evan. If I was superstitious, I'd say you jinxed me after the Sleeping Beauty fiasco. As it is, since I'm on doctor's orders not to do any strenuous activities, you get to run the new troops through the combat drills."

Lorne hated running the drills. Ronon usually did them or Sheppard himself would. He sighed and figured this was his payback. As he ate his breakfast, he wondered how many other fairy tales the Ancients were responsible for, like Snow White or Cinderella, although what he knew of Sheppard's past sounded like it fit Cinderella except he sat in a chair instead of putting on a slipper.

Peering through the door, John took in the packed auditorium. With the exception of the troops on Gate duty, every military asset in the city was here. Squaring his shoulders, John made his way to the stage. He could hear the whispers and snickers spread through the room behind him. Gaining the stage, John turned and let his dark gaze roam slowly across the room. Lightning bolts crawled down the walls as Atlantis showed her own displeasure. Hands clasped behind his back, John waited until the room stilled, waves of displeasure rolling from his frame. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure that you've all heard about my recent run-in with an Ancient device. If I hear any comments or find any materials making fun of this," and he pointed to his head, "the entire company will be punished. I am in no mood to be the joke of the week, so think hard before you do something stupid. Am I understood?"

A resounding "Sir, yes Sir!" rang from the rafters.

After that, even though they stared, the whispers were absent and John felt the tension gradually leaving his shoulders.

That evening, John walked through the door to their quarters and dropped into the nearest chair. After the staff meeting, he'd been in his office filling out personnel evaluations and working on the schedules for the Gate teams and the guard rotations. He also had to settle four discipline issues, although none were related to his hair problem. Letting his head drop back, John let out a deep sigh, tension flowing out like water as he closed his eyes. He heard the whisper of Teyla's movements, but didn't open his eyes until he felt silk brush his skin.

His eyes popped open and took in his wife's attire as she headed for the bedroom. John toed his boots off and was up in a heartbeat, fingers already fumbling with the buttons on his clothes. Soon the only sounds in the suite were those of two people deeply in love with each other.

Three days later, Rodney decided to quit avoiding John. He showed up early one morning just before breakfast as John was returning from his morning walk because running jarred the healing muscles in his neck. Seeing Rodney standing by the door, manfully trying not to strangle his fingers or the soft package he was holding, made John relent … just a little. He wouldn't kill him, but torture was another story.

"Um, Sheppard. Are you supposed to be doing that?"

John snorted. "What, walking? Sorry to disappoint, but I haven't learned to levitate or teleport yet so I have to get around like all the other mortals." Thinking the door open ahead of him, John stepped into his quarters. "What brings you over? Figured you were gonna stay away until my hair grew back."

Rodney looked down at the floor. "Um, yeah, I'm … really sorry about that." The apology was so soft that John almost missed it.

The abject look on Rodney's face touched John. "I know you are. But this" and he ran one hand over his head, the stubble tickling his fingers "is why protocols are in place. Hell, you put most of those protocols in place."

Rodney nodded. "Yeah, I … I just get excited and forget myself, ya know?" He brightened and snapped his fingers before thrusting the package at John. "Here, I found this and thought you'd like it. It's warm, soft and lightweight. You can wear it under your uniform or anything else in order to keep your head warm until, y' know, your ridiculous hair grows back out."

John narrowed his gaze, his voice carrying just a touch of menace. "My _what_ hair?"

Rodney gulped. "Your uniquely messy, Wolverine inspired hair that is possibly the ancestor of any Tribble that will ever live."

John opened the package. Inside was a lightweight, zip-up black hoodie made out of Thinsulate. It would keep him warm, plus it would absorb moisture. "Thanks, Rodney."

Rodney smiled. "Well, I just got you trained good. I don't want you catching a cold because you'd either get really sick or you'd give it to me, then I'd get really sick and have to stay in the infirmary where I'd have to watch Carson sacrifice chickens for his voodoo or something."

John laughed. "No, we can't have that. Come in and sit down while I shower then we'll grab Teyla and meet Ronon in the mess hall."

As John walked off, Rodney was glad that he'd managed to make John smile; although he didn't kid himself that his friend's mood would last. He was just glad he still had a friend.

_- And Life Goes On -_


End file.
